When Plan A becomes Plan B

I have surgery tomorrow. 
Wow. I have surgery tomorrow. You have no idea how excited I am. I would lie if I said I wasn't scared too, but after spending 4 hours on Friday at The University of Washington talking to my surgeons and medical staff, we have come to an agreement as to what will happen. 


But, first here are those images that I promised! Most people don't realize how big this thing is until they see the images. I didn't realize just how big it was until this Friday! The funny thing is when Dr. Byrd was showing me the size, I realized that it is not the size of a baby's head. No, it is the size of a whole baby! It's longer than wider, which unfortunately you can't see fully in these X-ray images, but you will most definitely get the point! I made a red circle around the cyst so you could know for sure that that is indeed what you are looking at. =P

Zoomin' In!

My spine still looks misaligned... 

It's Fantastic, no? 

Theories.

There are many ways I could have gotten this baby, but the main theory is from a car accident I was in back in 2006. We were rear ended while my mom was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I did have my seat belt on, but I had my body twisted with my left arm around my mom's seat, so that I could talk to her. My spine was misaligned from this accident and I had to see a chiropractor twice a week for a year to get it fixed. I didn't have any problems with my spleen then, but it could have cause a small gash and the cyst could have been forming since. 

That's only one theory. Any time that I have fallen or been hit in the side could have caused it. Dear lord we are fragile! It's kind of ridiculous. I've at least had this sucker since last May, but I could have had it growing for over 6 years! 

This past week has been awful. I have been in so much pain that I have barely gotten any sleep. Trying to jam a quarter's worth of work into two weeks probably wasn't the best of my ideas, but for the most part I pulled through. I'll still have to take my finals and do some final projects when I get back next quarter, but after tonight recovering is my only priority. After tonight, no more throwing up once to twice a day, crouching over in pain from walking, sitting, standing, or having to sit around while my muscles atrophy! Haha 

A Plan is a plan is a plan...

So, my surgery is all planned out and I am ay-okay with the changes that have occurred. My surgeon has acquired the help of two fellow surgeons who specialize in laparoscopic surgery. Doing my surgery laparoscopically wasn't an option before, but after looking closer into my case they want to try. They want to try to remove the cyst through laparoscopic fenestration. What this means is that they will make 3 or 4 small incisions in my side and through there cut a large square in the cyst and suction the liquid out. Dr. Byrd says they have to make the incision large enough that the cyst can't grow back, but it growing back is a possibility. It all depends on if they make the cut big enough. Though this is the current plan, they explained that this cyst isn't as simple as they'd like and that they will only continue with this method as long as it goes perfectly. If it's not working, because the cyst has made itself at home in my body they will go back to 'Plan A'. 

old Plan A

Plan A was an open splenectomy. The recovery time would be much longer and their are more risks with an open surgery. They want to save my spleen if at all possible, because I already get sick easily and it's a useful organ to have. =P  The main thing is that the cyst has kind of taken over my body which may cause some serious difficulties in surgery, but at least from what they can tell it is benign. We can have a little bit of a splash zone without too many worries. 

Whatever happens, I am just thankful to be getting this thing out! I wan't a better quality of life. It's really been taking a toll on me the past year and especially this last month! I am thankful to have extras surgeons on my case, even if it's mostly because they think my cyst is cool, lol. Dr. Byrd said the other surgeons were more than happy to help since it's a very rare form of cyst. Haha, wow. It's okay, I'm getting the best care available and that's what counts. 

This is it. Seriously, now I have to go shower with special-germ-exterminating-soap... =P

So, if I could ask one thing of you.. Keep me and my family in your thoughts tomorrow. If you pray, say a prayer for us. I have too many good things in life for things not to go well, but in case the best isn't what happens tomorrow, I need to know that I'll have the support I need. I take a lot of value in my work and being able to make a difference in everything around me. If I have to stay in bed for a while I might lose it. All that hope and stamina. If you truly know me you know that I have to overwork myself, that I can't sit still, and that I need people in my life. If I'm stuck here please, please, please visit, call, or write me a letter! 

I want to thank everyone in my life for being amazing. I want you to know that I'm very proud of where we've made it to and that I look forward to our future! I'm a fighter, let's just hope my body is too! I get to the hospital tomorrow morning at 9 am, surgery is around 10:30. Umm.. Okay, I'm at a loss for words. Wait... I got it!

Whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story.

See you all on the other side! =]

-Jennifer 

Don't ever forget to smile! Panda hat for the win. =)

Life, Death, and Everything in Between.

I have a date! With a boy? Sadly, no. With an older man! Yes, with a wise and experienced surgeon from the University of Washington! (ooh-la-la!) But, we'll get to that later. I've got a lot on my mind for this one. =P 
Leaving home for home.
It feels like forever since I left Walla Walla, but it's only been two weeks! And, lucky me I get to go back on Tuesday (that's not sarcasm (really!)). I would say these past few weeks have been very successful. I've had a lot to think about and I've had a lot of time to do it. Some things have been much easier than others to grasp. But, the best part is that these weeks have been full of people shaped surprises: friends! I've had the chance to get together with old friends who I haven't seen in months, years, and what seems to be an eternity. 


MONTHS:

Yes, I was sad. Graduations...

Darcy came to visit me! Though we've had our differences, we really do love each other and I know we'll be friends forever, because I made her a bracelet. 
bracelet making/giving = lasting friendship
(It's a theory of mine and all grade school girls)
She brought me the gift of Harry Potter books to read while I'm in bed recovering! Harry Potter was evil when I was growing up, so I never got to read them. Now is the time! Thank you Darcy Sturges AND impending surgery that will finally give me the time to read these books and obtain that missing part of my childhood!

Jamie holding mustache man from poem.

Jamie: Hehe, Jamie and I used to do shows together. When I visit home we always meet up for coffee and some crazy fun shenanigans commence. This time it was a poem. Go ahead, interpret it. I'm sure it has various unintentional meanings! =) lol

A Poem told to Jamie

      by girl at starbucks 

from a distance I see my love in

the trees of apathy.

a 'v' for virtue covers her soul 

just as a mustache covers 

your face.

though, no crumbs 

ever encounter 

this veil. 

*you must snap your fingers as you recite this  poem. Thank you.

YEARS:

There are many people I haven't seen for years, but the past couple of weeks I got to hang out with Laura, Dina, and Chelsea! Dina I hadn't seen since high school graduation in 2008! I was lucky enough to spend my Superbowl Sunday with her, not watching the Superbowl. 
Chelsea and Laura were friends I had from Junior high and my freshman year of high school! It was good to talk about the old days. Remembering our classes together and our group of friends... 
This brings us to Neil. Neil was the sweetest boy I've ever known. We met beginning of Freshman year and all became good friends. But, sophomore year I transferred schools and never went back to visit like I promised. It breaks my heart.

Neil died last month in Afghanistan. I can't believe it. That chubby little freshman I used to be so close to turned into a gorgeous young man who I never got to meet.  Science class with Chelsea, Laura, and Neil are some of the best memories I have from that year. Here's a slideshow his brother put together, and a link to a news article. It's the least I can do now. 
http://www.thenewstribune.com/2012/01/30/2005729/tacoma-soldier-made-people-feel.html#.TyhI2MbGdg8.facebook 


We forget about our friends sometimes. sometimes for what seems to be an eternity. It was so good to see these girls, but there were so many more people I would've liked to see. sometimes people are just too far away. sometimes it's too late to rekindle a friendship. When I found out of Neil's death I ran to find my old year book. I found his note he wrote me about not forgetting to keep in touch, talking about hanging out that summer, and giving me his phone number. That's the last time I ever saw him. Whatever happened to that old saying...

Make new friends, but keep the old.

One is silver, the other is gold. 

?

Neil's death really had me thinking. 
When we care about someone we never mean to not keep in touch. It just happens. Life just happens and if we're lucky we bump into them years later and think, 'wow, I used to love that person'.
We are so young and we haven't lived at all. 
I'm at peace with where I am. I have loved and been loved. I have given my all to the things that I've been passionate about and the return has been great. I've made so many memories, so many friendships, I've lived my life. But, I know there is much more I can give. There is a life out there waiting for me!


Suddenly death is on my mind. 
I don't plan on dying anytime soon, but if I've learned anything these past few weeks, this past year, is that life is fragile. 
We are young, we fight, we die. We  live, we grow old, we die. It's inevitable. I helped an old man out this week on my way to my eye doctor. He fell on the pavement and hit his face pretty hard. Needless to say there was lots of blood. I called 911, stole some napkins from some truck, and helped apply pressure to hold together his forehead. Luckily an MA was walking by and he had a towel in his car to help stop the bleeding. Once the ambulance came and the paramedics were in control my stomach started to kick in. The reality of the situation hit me and I had to leave. That poor man. What if I hadn't been there to help him? To hold him together and stop the bleeding?


I think that's our purpose in life: to be there for one another. Not only for the new, but also for the old. Family, old friends, new friends, acquaintances, complete strangers: we're here to stop their bleeding. Physical, emotional, spiritual.. I don't know what it is, but I know if we can help we have to. How else are we to survive?  

That be my doctor. In case you
wanted to know what he looks like
=P

My surgery is March 5th with Dr. Byrd: Chief of the Surgical Oncology Department at the University of Washington. 
He is the best at what he does and that's why I have to wait a bit longer than was expected. That's fine, right now I'm in no rush. Even if my surgery is during dead week... yeah... But, this rest was just what my body needed. The pain has soothed a bit, I've been able to eat more types of food, I've slept (thank you, Jesus!), and I can breathe again (THANK YOU, JESUS!!!). :D 


For some reason, I feel like things are coming together. I don't know if much has actually changed, but my attitude on life has. It seems more like a gift. The things, the people, the places we take for granted are probably some of the best things we have. I miss school... Never thought I'd say that. I miss my routine, my jukebox and record player, and most of all I miss my friends. I always will. 


Friends: whenever and wherever we were together, know that you made a difference in my life and I love you for it. I don't know when, or if, we will ever see each other again, but remember that it's been great, that we are blessed, and that our friendship will only last if we make each other bracelets. =P

Sunset Lake with the girls

I love this photo because it looks like Robert is going to kill us

Jo, some Drama Queen, and Steve

My family

My Loves

Best Friends Forever

Three Steps to Pseudo Adulthood

No school = a false sense of adulthood. As much as this doesn't make sense, not having to go to class makes me feel a bit more like an adult. It causes a chain of events, which in turn whisper in my ear, 'thou art an adult'. So to better explain, for you I have compiled...

"Three simple steps for reaching (Jenn-like) Pseudo Adulthood"

Step One: Not having to go to school. As a striving pseudo adult, you are no longer a student.* You must now fill your time with other things. Things that scream: adult. Which brings us to step two and three.

Step Two: Buy furniture. Isn't she gorgeous?

 That's right, I bought an electrical record player. (Awesome!) Seriously, if this contraption doesn't make you feel old, what will? It actually has an 8 track player and a radio. Now, you have to understand that this grand step into adulthood was really quite grand, because the only other "furniture" I had in the living room was this cardboard cut out of a jukebox. (which is also awesome.)

Step Three: Vacuum. This new piece of furniture deserves a good place of rest. Which brought to my attention that fact that I have never (ever) vacuumed my living room floor. This is mostly because the living room floor has been entirely covered by piles and piles of books. I moved in mid quarter and never finished putting those away. And, because I spend all my time in my bedroom or the kitchen, the living room just became a big shelf. But, these books no longer need to be in such an easily attainable spot. To the basement they go! and BAM! Adulthood: I have put away my books and vacuumed for my newly-acquired-short-lived-furniture-filled-pseudo-adult life. 

Okay. So, what's my point?

I think what I'm trying to get at is that it already feels like things are changing. I've been thrown in the developmental fast lane. It's the little things in life that slowly turn us into adults. We learn that becoming an adult, aka a 'real person', doesn't happen from one day to another, or because one buys furniture and vacuums. Yet, some days it's easier to see that we are growing up. In a strange way, not doing homework and buying furniture is what did it for me today. Tomorrow it may be something much more important, like trying to comfort my family and not letting this whole baby head thing get me down.  

I'll be leaving Sunday night to Seattle. The first week I do my pre-surgery appointment, and the next week they take 'er out. You have no idea how excited I am. I can't even imagine what life will be like without the baby head! I'll eat and not feel sick, sleep and not wake up until my alarm tells me to, and best of all I'll be able to breathe (like a normal person)! This actually kind of frightens me. More than the surgery itself, what frightens me is the obvious change that is going to engulf my life. I know it is good change, and that I'll feel a ka-billion times better, but I have gotten so used the way things are. 

Walla Walla University has been such a great place. The teachers have been so supportive and I really feel like I'm going to be able pass the few classes I have left this quarter. I may not have class for now, but I sure do have my work cut out for me when I get back. 

In the meantime, thank you so much for being a friend and reading my blog. I hope to make it worth while by getting my CT scan images, so that you can see the baby head for yourself, and maybe even photos of the surgery, too.  =P

Look how much I've grown already! =]

*This statement isn't necessarily true for real adults, only for (jenn-like) pseudo adults... Real adults may still, and should, be students. =]

We thought 9 mm was big.

This is me. 


I jump on fences wearing golden crowns and dresses. 
I am a bit crazy, but if you're reading this you probably already know that. And, you may be wondering: 


Why is Jen doing a blog?


Not that I don't usually share my personal life, but I don't usually share my personal life. But, we also know that people change... 
(queue eerie music)


It all started a year ago... 
If I start like that you know the story is epic or at least interesting.